Wednesday, 20 November 2013

Blog Brain Dump

Source

Despite promises of various posts to come I've yet to achieve any of them. I could blame things such as lighting and being too busy, but that would essentially be a lie, and I like to be honest.
 
The reason I considered not being honest is that generally, this blog is my happy place, but sometimes life isn't always happy. So this is not a sympathy post, it's an explanation, it's therapy, call it what you will, but please don't call me attention seeking.
 
Next month when I come to reflect on the year 2013, I will quite frankly be glad to see the back of it, as it's been a year full of sadness for my family and loved ones. You my remember from my September monthly post, that we lost two family members recently, well it's time to add another to the list. Previously my other half lost his step-grandfather, and I lost my grandmother. I can now add my granddad to that list, who we lost last week. On his birthday. Armistice Day. Next years two minutes silence will have so much more meaning than any other year passed before. I have now lost all of my grandparents, and I cry even as I write this. Not just for me, but for my future children, who will not know the joy and fascination of having great-grandparents and the stories and the history they hold, in the same way I did. For that, is a great loss. Instead, their memories will have to come via me, and the aid of some beautiful documents left behind, found in a vintage suitcase, whilst clearing out my grandparents home.
 
I know in my heart of hearts that he is in a better place, free from the pain and suffering, and mental anguish, that comes from the cruelty of degenerative disorders such as dementia and Alzheimer's. Robbing a man of memories of even his own children's existence. But selfishly, I long for one last humorous conversation.
 
In amongst his sadness, my heart bleeds for my poor mother, who has not only lost her parents, but three of her beloved dogs this past year, one of which also last week. I wonder how the fates can be so cruel at times, but this is the risk of rescuing these poor unloved souls. The comfort is knowing the love they had in their golden years.
 
On what is perhaps a slightly less sad note for many, but couldn't really have come at a worse time, was my faithful little red mini decided it was also no longer for this world, and the time came where I had to bite the bullet and invest in something else. While for many this should be a pleasurable experience, for me I have had no joy from this. As it came at a cost. The cost of my wedding. Although plans continue, due to the many deposits and bookings lost, for so many family, the financial implications adds stress and anxiety to what should be a joyous occasion.
 
There also couldn't have been a worse time to start a new job, although the business helps keep the mind functioning. It's somewhat unsurprising that day to day elements of my life are getting forgotten, such as eating, sleeping, blogging. At times its a wonder poor Toby gets fed, but the unconditional love from him, his feline friend, and my glorious husband to be, keep me going.
 
I could not have even written this post a week ago, and come next week I will be much the same. But I always know the blogging world is still there, waiting for me, to comfort me when I need it most. To share in the good times, and sometimes, the not so good times, and I hope will still be there, when the previously promised posts come to fruition.
 
Thank you for listening (reading?) 

 photo homeeee_zps214aed0e.jpg

5 comments:

  1. So sorry to hear of your loss(es), you've had a really crappy year. You definitely deserve a huge amount of good luck and good wishes in 2014. I know there's nothing anyone can say that'll make any of it better, but please don't worry about blogging - we'll all still be here and wishing you have a much better time of it next year. xxx

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  2. oh Jen, I'm so sorry to hear this. What a terrible time for you and your family. It does tend to be the case that bad things come in clusters so I really hope that nothing else crops up for you. I found that throwing myself into work really drowned out most other thoughts for a while. Take care of yourself x

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  3. I'm really sorry to read this, Jen. I hope things will pick up for you, and we (and the blog) will still be here when you need it. x

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear that you're not having the best of times. Losing those closest to us is so incredibly difficult, and you'll never forget them, but the days will get easier and you'll be left with only happy memories of the good times. My Grandmother passed away a couple of weeks ago and it's been hard, especially for my Grandfather, but we've been remembering the good times, looking back at old photographs and we know that she's in a better place now. <3

    Jennie xo | sailorjennie.com

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  5. My heart goes out to you my love. 2013 has definitely not been yours (or your family's) year that is for sure. I have lost all my Grandparents and both parents so I know that feeling well and right now you need to take care of you and yours. Blogging can wait and it will always be there when you feel ready to step back into it.

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